Such an interesting subject. I know I have been very impacted by how my parents dealt with stress, I think we model that behavior. Is that dna or learned behavior passed down through generations?
The studies seem to show that long term stressors can alter our moods and behaviors. For groups who have undergone collective trauma and who continue to Marry within those groups — I think you can be hard-casting disposition.
This conversation is very 'close to home' for me. Your para about losing your Dad resonated in particular. You concluded it with the sentence: "I grew up with a very different life than the one I could have had". As an adoptee, the loss of a life (the one I might have had) and consequent sense of being robbed of who I could/should have been, has had a significant impact on who I am.
Thanks for sharing that with me Jane. I have found it more difficult to cope with the older I’ve got. Having adult children now myself brings home even more what I lost
I completely agree with all of our observations. We are who we are because of our ancestors' genetic make up and the choices they made. However, our own choices and experiences make us our unique selves.
I agree, it’s that balance that matters. We inherit a starting point, both genetic and cultural, but what really defines us is how we respond to it through our own choices and experiences. The past shapes us, but it doesn’t get the final say.
I believe that yes, there are influences that follow a family line because of life practices that are part of what define any given family. However, there are so many variances from what was and what is today that overwhelmingly you are your own person. Much like if you are the oldest of 6 children vs being a "middle" or the youngest. You are not brought up with the same interaction with parents, perspective, or how the family operates day to day.
Thanks @Karla VF Staudt We’re not carbon copies of our families, and individuality definitely wins out in the end. Even people raised under the same roof can turn out wildly different, and birth order is a great example of how much day-to-day experience shapes perspective.
I guess where I’d add a little nuance is that none of us starts from zero. Family habits, expectations, and “this is just how things are done” still form a backdrop, even if we react to it in very different ways or consciously push against it. So yes, you’re your own person, but you’re still responding to something that was already there.
For me, that’s what makes the topic interesting. Not whether the past defines us, but how much of it we absorb without noticing, and how much we choose to keep or let go once we do notice.
Sometimes in one's examination of ancestral influences, one has to remember the old L.P. Hartley adage "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there".
One of my more illustrious ancestors into the 20th century was my 2nd great grandfather George "Big George" Brobst Miller (1856-1937), who was a larger-than life Berks County political figure. I have a (now worthless after the Great Depression) share certificate of his from 1908 hanging up in my office. He was always described as a "big Democrat", which by the '70s was interpreted in family lore as him being admirably progressive in his attitudes. But dig in a bit deeper, and whilst he was indeed someone who supported William Jennings Bryan's more progressive views https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Jennings_Bryan , he might have also been attracted to the party's tolerance and/or support of policies that today are understood as racist. We just don't know for sure.
Even though my parents raised me in a very politically liberal (in the US sense) and non-religious household, our attitudes on morality and personal comportment remained very conservative and Pennsylvania Dutch German Protestant. My parents still live in an 18th century farmhouse surrounded by family antiques ("that was great-great Aunt Cora's chair and church practice organ") and photos, so they remained in living memory. One of my own maternal great grandmothers born in 1894 lived until I was in high school in the 1980s, and remained very influential in shaping our societal mores.
You’re absolutely right @Gunnar Miller that the past is a “foreign country,” and I think that framing is essential if we’re being honest. Context matters, political labels, moral assumptions, and social norms don’t map neatly across time, and trying to retrofit today’s values onto historical figures almost always distorts them.
At the same time, I think the tension you describe is exactly where the question becomes interesting rather than solvable. Values, habits, and moral instincts often travel through families less as explicit doctrines and more as atmospheres.
So for me, the point isn’t to praise or condemn ancestors by modern standards, nor to excuse them entirely as “products of their time.” It’s to recognize that we inherit both material and immaterial legacies, stories, silences, assumptions and then decide what to do with them. We’re shaped by the past without being defined by it, unless we choose not to examine it at all
Hello all, an aspect not discussed here is the field of epigenetics. The emerging knowledge that trauma can, in fact, change our DNA...so we truly can inherit not just the trauma our ancestors endured, but the responses..so when we are reacting wildly out of proportion to what is happening, this could be a reaction to our grandmother's past...it's being proven in studies of holocaust survivors' descendants.
I study yoga philosophy, and there is a similar idea, handed down for 5000 years, that the mistakes, the traumas, all the negative things that happen, end up as "scars" on our energy body...think: changing your dna here. In any case, you can remove those scars, that you inherited, or created yourself, with a meditation or any spiritual practice. And all this makes such good common sense. The healing power of prayer.
Another aspect is which child were you in the family. The first born daughter is often unconsciously burdened from a young age with responsibilities for everyone and their well-being. This was my "role" in my family of origin for sure. It's taken me 70 years to understand why my sister gets so mad at me and feels like i am bossing her around and criticizing her. Maybe i am....but i do clearly remember my mother telling me when i was very young, perhaps 4, that my sister was my responsibility..i had to protect her from bullies, i had to help her in every way...and that role was engrained in me...so it comes out unless i am very watchful.
Absolutely agree with everything you say and I have written a few posts on this topic I can highly recommend Substackers Jennifer Holik and Nate Douglas who both have written on the topic of epigenetcis and you might find it interesting.
Thanks for this piece, Paul. Our DNA, experiences, and memories certainly shape who we are and who we become. But I've always been fascinated by the concept of postmemory (see book by Marianne Hirsch), namely that we can inherit and be shaped by our forebearers' memories. I am, for example, a child of WWII in many ways, even though I didn't live through it, because it was such a defining experience in my grandmother's and my dad's life.
Very thought provoking and kind of ties into my Czech research this week.
I think we inherit through the DNA those choices, unprocessed trauma and drama, and other things. I also think energetically those things permeate the family - whether direct ancestors/siblings or even distant. Everything is energy and those of us attunded to it can pick up on others' pain. A lot to unpack.
Such an interesting subject. I know I have been very impacted by how my parents dealt with stress, I think we model that behavior. Is that dna or learned behavior passed down through generations?
Maybe both Diane? 🤔
The studies seem to show that long term stressors can alter our moods and behaviors. For groups who have undergone collective trauma and who continue to Marry within those groups — I think you can be hard-casting disposition.
Very thoughtful piece, Paul.
You’re not defined by who your ancestors were.
You’re defined by what survived them.
Names are costumes. Records are alibis. Family trees are polite lies.
What made it through the fire are our choices, silence, damage, resilience.
That’s the inheritance.
DNA remembers what history edits out.
You don’t get to opt out of the past.
You only choose whether you treat it like a story
Or like evidence.
I love that line @Nate Douglas “you don’t get to opt out of the past” thats a perfect description.
This conversation is very 'close to home' for me. Your para about losing your Dad resonated in particular. You concluded it with the sentence: "I grew up with a very different life than the one I could have had". As an adoptee, the loss of a life (the one I might have had) and consequent sense of being robbed of who I could/should have been, has had a significant impact on who I am.
Thanks for sharing that with me Jane. I have found it more difficult to cope with the older I’ve got. Having adult children now myself brings home even more what I lost
I completely agree with all of our observations. We are who we are because of our ancestors' genetic make up and the choices they made. However, our own choices and experiences make us our unique selves.
I agree, it’s that balance that matters. We inherit a starting point, both genetic and cultural, but what really defines us is how we respond to it through our own choices and experiences. The past shapes us, but it doesn’t get the final say.
I believe that yes, there are influences that follow a family line because of life practices that are part of what define any given family. However, there are so many variances from what was and what is today that overwhelmingly you are your own person. Much like if you are the oldest of 6 children vs being a "middle" or the youngest. You are not brought up with the same interaction with parents, perspective, or how the family operates day to day.
Thanks @Karla VF Staudt We’re not carbon copies of our families, and individuality definitely wins out in the end. Even people raised under the same roof can turn out wildly different, and birth order is a great example of how much day-to-day experience shapes perspective.
I guess where I’d add a little nuance is that none of us starts from zero. Family habits, expectations, and “this is just how things are done” still form a backdrop, even if we react to it in very different ways or consciously push against it. So yes, you’re your own person, but you’re still responding to something that was already there.
For me, that’s what makes the topic interesting. Not whether the past defines us, but how much of it we absorb without noticing, and how much we choose to keep or let go once we do notice.
Sometimes in one's examination of ancestral influences, one has to remember the old L.P. Hartley adage "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there".
One of my more illustrious ancestors into the 20th century was my 2nd great grandfather George "Big George" Brobst Miller (1856-1937), who was a larger-than life Berks County political figure. I have a (now worthless after the Great Depression) share certificate of his from 1908 hanging up in my office. He was always described as a "big Democrat", which by the '70s was interpreted in family lore as him being admirably progressive in his attitudes. But dig in a bit deeper, and whilst he was indeed someone who supported William Jennings Bryan's more progressive views https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Jennings_Bryan , he might have also been attracted to the party's tolerance and/or support of policies that today are understood as racist. We just don't know for sure.
Even though my parents raised me in a very politically liberal (in the US sense) and non-religious household, our attitudes on morality and personal comportment remained very conservative and Pennsylvania Dutch German Protestant. My parents still live in an 18th century farmhouse surrounded by family antiques ("that was great-great Aunt Cora's chair and church practice organ") and photos, so they remained in living memory. One of my own maternal great grandmothers born in 1894 lived until I was in high school in the 1980s, and remained very influential in shaping our societal mores.
You’re absolutely right @Gunnar Miller that the past is a “foreign country,” and I think that framing is essential if we’re being honest. Context matters, political labels, moral assumptions, and social norms don’t map neatly across time, and trying to retrofit today’s values onto historical figures almost always distorts them.
At the same time, I think the tension you describe is exactly where the question becomes interesting rather than solvable. Values, habits, and moral instincts often travel through families less as explicit doctrines and more as atmospheres.
So for me, the point isn’t to praise or condemn ancestors by modern standards, nor to excuse them entirely as “products of their time.” It’s to recognize that we inherit both material and immaterial legacies, stories, silences, assumptions and then decide what to do with them. We’re shaped by the past without being defined by it, unless we choose not to examine it at all
Very well said.
Hello all, an aspect not discussed here is the field of epigenetics. The emerging knowledge that trauma can, in fact, change our DNA...so we truly can inherit not just the trauma our ancestors endured, but the responses..so when we are reacting wildly out of proportion to what is happening, this could be a reaction to our grandmother's past...it's being proven in studies of holocaust survivors' descendants.
I study yoga philosophy, and there is a similar idea, handed down for 5000 years, that the mistakes, the traumas, all the negative things that happen, end up as "scars" on our energy body...think: changing your dna here. In any case, you can remove those scars, that you inherited, or created yourself, with a meditation or any spiritual practice. And all this makes such good common sense. The healing power of prayer.
Another aspect is which child were you in the family. The first born daughter is often unconsciously burdened from a young age with responsibilities for everyone and their well-being. This was my "role" in my family of origin for sure. It's taken me 70 years to understand why my sister gets so mad at me and feels like i am bossing her around and criticizing her. Maybe i am....but i do clearly remember my mother telling me when i was very young, perhaps 4, that my sister was my responsibility..i had to protect her from bullies, i had to help her in every way...and that role was engrained in me...so it comes out unless i am very watchful.
Absolutely agree with everything you say and I have written a few posts on this topic I can highly recommend Substackers Jennifer Holik and Nate Douglas who both have written on the topic of epigenetcis and you might find it interesting.
Thank you for that!
Thanks for this piece, Paul. Our DNA, experiences, and memories certainly shape who we are and who we become. But I've always been fascinated by the concept of postmemory (see book by Marianne Hirsch), namely that we can inherit and be shaped by our forebearers' memories. I am, for example, a child of WWII in many ways, even though I didn't live through it, because it was such a defining experience in my grandmother's and my dad's life.
I definitely think we can inherit trauma from our ancestors past memories
Very thought provoking and kind of ties into my Czech research this week.
I think we inherit through the DNA those choices, unprocessed trauma and drama, and other things. I also think energetically those things permeate the family - whether direct ancestors/siblings or even distant. Everything is energy and those of us attunded to it can pick up on others' pain. A lot to unpack.